Holy Humor – Joke of the Day (This would be sort of funny – if it weren’t so true)
The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark.” And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark. “OK,” Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, “I’m your man.”
Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark.
“Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is My ark?” A lightning bolt crashed into the ground right beside Noah. “Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark’s construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system.
“My neighbours objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.
Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn’t let me catch them, so no owls.
“Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind.
“Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I couldn’t complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn’t take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!
“Right now, I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use tax. Really, I don’t think I can finish the ark in less than five years.”
With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy the world?” he asked hopefully.
“No,” said the Lord. “Your government already has.”
Turkey Vultures Return to the Living Sign – This is pretty cool, and it’s something I would like to witness some day. Before I talk about the Turkey Vultures Return to the Living Sign – and explain what the Living Sign is, let’s learn a little about the actual Turkey Vulture first. We saw one when we went to the zoo a couple of weeks ago – fascinating bird! Turkey Vultures are large dark birds with long, broad wings. They are bigger than other raptors except eagles and condors, they have long “fingers” at their wingtips and long tails that extend past their top tips in flight. When they are soaring, Turkey Vultures hold their wings slightly raised, making a ‘V’ when you see them head on. If you’ve gone looking for raptors on a clear day, you’ve probably gotten a little excited ad the sight of a large bird soaring in the distance, thinking perhaps it was an eagle or an osprey, but if it was soaring with its wings raised up in that V shape and making wobbly circles – it’s more than likely a Turkey Vulture. They ride thermals in the sky, and use their incredible sense of smell to find fresh carcasses. They are a scavenger bird, cleaning up the countryside one bite with their sharpy hooked bill at a time. Though Turkey Vultures appear to be black from a distance, you can see up close that they are dark brown with a featherless red head (sort of like the Turkey they are named after), and a pale bill. Most of their bodies are dark, but the undersides of their flight feathers are paler, making them look two toned.
The entire Canisteo Valley in Canisteo, NY is where the Turkey Vultures traditionally return to their roosting sites on our around St. Patrick’s Day, in and around the world-famous living sign – as mentioned in “Ripley’s Believe It Or Not”. What is the living sign? It’s just that, a sign that spells out the name “Canisteo” using 250 Scots Pine trees on a rdige above Greenwood Street. The sign has been around for more than 50 years. Can you imagine seeing the Turkey Vultures coming home to roost in these trees?
Johnny Appleseed Day – There are two possible dates for this celebration – both listed. Today – March 11 is said to be the death date of Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman, and September 26th was his birthday – both listed to be Johnny Appleseed Day. What isn’t disputed though is that Johnny Appleseed Day honors one of American’s great legends. Johnny “Appleseed” Chapman was among the American settlers were were captivated by the movement west across the continent. As he traveled west, he planted apple trees along the way, and sold trees to settleres. With every apple tree that he planted, the legend grew. During his life the “West” was places like Ohio, Michigan, Indiana and Illinois – so not the west as we know it today. He was a deeply religious person and was known to preach during hsi travels. According to legend he led a simple life and wanted little. He rarely accepted money, and often donated the money that he did receive. His death date is noted to be March 11, 1845, and that he died from the “winter plague”. The actual date of his death though has been disputed because it was not formally recorded. What is comes down to, is when would YOU like to celebrate this day? We could go for both days since apples are awesome year round. The best way that I can think of to celebrate is to incorprate as many apples as possible into your day – for snacks, in sauces, and dessert! I’m fine with honoring this American legend more than once in a year.
Worship of Tools Day – Everyone who has ever known a man – or is a man himself – knows that there is a huge fascination with tools. Tools of all sorts. Don’t get me wrong, there are many women who love tools too – heck even I start getting a bit excited when in a hardware store wondering if I could create something wonderful out of the materials I see there. Nothing though quite matches the glazed over looks on some of the men shopping in the tool section of Lowe’s or Home Depot. I imagine it is much like the look I get on my fce when I’m in the baking section of a cooking supply store, or the cake decorating section at Michaels! My Hubby likes tools – but more, he needs them for his work. I think it’s more accurate to say that he appreciates that a useful tool makes his job easier and more productive.. He has a lot of them, and though he isn’t obsessive about them, I know he enjoys browsing the tool section to see what is new that could possibly be added to his useful items to have collection. I’m always at a loss for what to possibly get him for a gift from this department – there are so many to choose from. How do you celebrate this day? Well, you work with tools of course – and perhaps buy one or two. Receiving a tool as a gift today would make it truly special.
Napping Day – Daylight Savings Time may mean spring is right around the corner – but it also means that we lose an hour of sleep. If you’ve lost a little of your usual energy from losing that hour, and feel a little sluggish, then this day may be for you (provided you can manage it with your work schedule). Today Americans are more ready for a nap than usual after losing that hour of sleep, so it is a good day to bring the spotlight onto the fact that napping has great benefits for us. Just a 20-30 minute nap has quite a few benefits. Besides reducing fatigue, a nap can make you feel better, improve your mood, increase alertness and improve performance. Napping on the job or on the road is definitely not recommended, but it is important to note that napping late in the day, or taking a long nap, can negatively affect your night time sleep. In honor of today though, maybe indulging in a little afternoon snooze would be a good idea!
World Plumbing Day – Have you ever stopped to think how blessed we are? Seriously! Even with all the strains and pressures of every day life, the economic issues, the political nonsense going on, we are blessed! What is the first thing you likely do every morning? You get out of bed, sleep walk to your bathroom, and use your indoor, comfortable facilities. You flush that toilet knowing that any icky stuff is now out of your house. You go to to your sink, wash your hands, brush your teeth and take your shower – with the twist of a couple of knobs. Hot water, cold water – right there in the flash of an instant. Not everyone has this luxury. There are 3rd world countries where mucky, bacteria infested water is hand carried in buckets to huts, laundry is washed in the river or lake, the very same ones they get their drinking water from. Animals wander in and out of that water, using it for their own drinking and waste procedures, and again that’s the same water the villagers haul their drinking and cooking water from. World Plumbing Day is an international event initiated by the World Plumbing Council celebrating the very important role that plumbing plays in the health and safety of modern society. In the aftermath of 2010’s devastating earthquake in Haiti, and the 2011 tsunami in Japan, we found that it is so easy to take for granted the availability of safe drinking water and sufficient sanitation systems. We take them for granted until they no longer function properly. Historically we find that great leaps in humankind’s advancement – boty physicall and sicially – have been tied to advances in plumbing technology. The safety and abundance of drinking water is a concern for most people all over the world, but what is often lost in that concern is the work that the plumbing industry has contributed to alleviate those concerns. Today be thankful for plumbers and all the hard work they do in keeping our water safe and healthy every day.
We all love food . . . at the very least we all need to eat. I have always included food celebrations as they showed up, but today I found a new site showing a food to celebrate every single day! Yeah!
Oatmeal Nut Waffles Day – National Waffle day is in August. And National Oatmeal Day is in October. If you MIX those two breakfast food favorites together you get today’s National Oatmeal Nut Waffle Day!
I found lots of pictures, and this recipe on the Taste of Home recipe’s to share with you. Anyone who tries it, let me know what you think! I’d love to get your opinions.
Prep: 15 min. Bake: 30 min. Yield: 8 Servings
- 1-1/2 cups whole wheat flour
- 2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 2 eggs, lightly beaten
- 2 cups milk
- 1/4 cup butter, melted
- 2 tablespoons honey
- 1 cup quick-cooking oats
- 1 cup chopped nuts
- Sliced fresh peaches, optional
- In a large bowl, combine flour, baking powder and salt. Combine eggs, milk, butter and honey; stir into dry ingredients and mix well. Fold in oats and nuts.
- Bake in a preheated waffle iron according to manufacturer’s directions until golden brown. Garnish with peaches if desired. Yield: 8-10 waffles (about 6-3/4 inches).
Well, there’s a lot to be celebrating today – and I honestly can’t say what my favorite would be, though the nap sounds awfully enticing. Life is so full of wonderful things to be happy about, so for every negative one you see, come here to find a good one to be happy about. God Bless You this Monday and I’ll see you tomorrow!